My first Ds-relation

I’m registered as a dominant woman at different social networks on internet, and of course I get a lot of messages. And most men envy me, since they imagine that I can just pick and choose. They haven’t understood that quantity doesn’t necessarily means quality. I don’t mean to judge anyone. By quality I mean those few who fit my personality in a Ds relation. In fact I got the impression that most people are quite normal, decent human beings, but that doesn’t mean that I want to play with them or have sex with them.

I’ve accepted that what I’m looking for, isn’t something just anyone can give. And the x-factor isn’t something I can teach a slave to have. It’s there or it’s not. It’s also impossible for me to put my finger on exactly why I find some messages more interesting than others. It’s easier to point out the errors. Some are too direct, and then it can be hard not to feel any offense or even disgust. A virtual rape is not sexy at all! Especially not from men who pretend to be submissives. Others are too vague, and then I get the impression that they are just weak and insecure, and that isn’t sexy either.

When I was younger I was a bit annoyed by receiving all these messages that I just found embarrassing. It felt like everyone wanted a piece of me without giving anything back. So my answers started getting more cynical. I got a message from a boy at my age (I must have been about 23 back then) who was happy to finally find a dominant woman in Norway, and what could he do to catch my interest? At that time I was tired kissing frogs to find a prince, so I told him that he could get down on his knees, jerk off and lick it from the floor.

I honestly didn’t expect an answer. But if his first message didn’t stand out, certainly the second one did! He reported back that he actually had followed my orders. He described how he felt a bit awkward and excited at the same time when we was standing on his knees all alone. But he wanted to do this for me, he wanted to prove that he was willing to serve, and I think he really wanted it to mean something.

This was the start of an internet relationship that lasted for many years. I learned that he was a professional athlete, so I could actually watch him on TV and read about him in the newspapers during the season. That was so cool! Although we never met, the fact that we knew a lot about each others daily life made it feel as real as any other relation.

This was the first time that I could get some real feed-back on my visions and ideas about femdom and Ds-relations. Whether we recognize it or not, we are all affected by the feed back we get from our environment. And when it comes to my view on bdsm, this relation has affected me a lot.